I should write it all down. That’s what is required, there is no point in asking why or how do I know that, I will not tell. Maybe I can share something with you, so you can understand what sort of person I am. I am someone who likes butter chicken. Maybe Cookies.
Is that an overshare? Regardless now that you know everything about me, it’s time for us to move on to what matters. You don’t? That’s because you are not smart enough, I have given you everything. Connect the dots. You can do it because this is meant only for your eyes and I know you can.
It’s my second week here, my whole life I have been lead to believe that I am mediocre. An average joe. This was good for me, average works. Statistically, the world needs a lot of average joes; and with that logic, I don’t see an issue in demand for me either. Everyone can not be a star, for one to be attractive in terms of looks, there needs to be us Joes. Let’s go on, shall we?
It was another day where I was ever slightly under the influence of alcohol; just the usual. As per my new process, I was filtering through the various profiles but in this case for fun, I wanted to see what this area had to offer. To put in a more crude manner, I wanted to judge and form baseless opinions about others. As I was casually swiping around on women who will almost surely never like me, one profile caught my attention. It was different from the rest because it was a verified profile with absolutely no real photos except memes, terrible ones at that. Why go through so much trouble verifying a profile, writing creative prompts and then make it vague? By no means am I a logical person but even for me, this was an anomaly.
Paired with a barely functional intoxicated brain, I engaged in a conversation. And it turned out to be one of the best conversations, if not the best I have had in a while with a stranger online. A lot of us try saying “Go with the flow”, but isn’t it bullshit? Don’t we all have a target? A hope? I guess a bit of denial is everyone’s cup of tea. I know there would be one of you who says that’s not the case, but do you think I care? * deep breath* Where was I?
A person of wit. Someone who tries to outsmart me. But does she succeed? Someone who can match my high without the consumption of any substance. Too bad that I need help to fly. It’s expensive. Am I floating? I need to be higher. This will not do it, I need my wits, I need my brain to process at a faster rate.
Is blood red? Or is it dark brown? One way to find out.
She is beautiful. There is a charm. There is a beauty to that crudeness. There is that affection in those abuses, I can recognize a bait. Cute, she thinks she can manipulate me; it’s sad but I recognize these amateur tricks. Don’t you? Oh yes. You aren’t important, this is about her. I shouldn’t lose focus as usual. I think I am smitten. How delightful. I want to float again. Back to her, of course. She is wonderful, we aren’t the same. We are different, we expect different things but there is a balance. There is harmony. I know she feels it too. Now it’s just our dance. I need to fly higher, where is the good stuff when you need it?
Snarky. A liar? Am I calling her a liar? But who is the better liar, isn’t that the game? It is. It is not about who is the better person, it was never about who is a nicer person. It was always about who is a better artist. Who can create the trap better? I need to be higher to match up to her, she seems to be my equivalent. I can not acknowledge it, not without losing this game, and I don’t lose, do I? That’s what started this in the first place.
“WAKE UP!!”
“SNAP OUT OF IT!!”
“Hey, Doc! Is our session over?”, I asked, well this was interesting. Everything is so confusing, but then again what is reality? I believe you decide your reality.
“There is something I want to know Doc, can you help me out?”
“Sure, I am always there for you”, I could sense the lie. He is a bad liar. I need to be higher.
He sweats a lot, I don’t like that. Sweat is dirty.
Must fly, higher, I need to think faster. Do I have to be better than her?
I always give credit where it’s due, my Doc has one of the best houses I have seen for a therapist. I guess all the money he takes reflects here, which is fine with me, I love the finishing.
“Hey Doc, I got a doubt. Can you help me out here? “
“Sure Mr. Soal, that’s why I am here”
Of course. And I guess that’s why you cost me so much. I didn’t want to upset him, I kept the thought to myself. Besides, I have to be higher to be with the Cookie.
“I just wanted to know wanted to know if the blood is red or dark brown”
I could see the confusion in his eyes. At that moment, I was higher, I was flying. How? I am not sure, I couldn’t find anything to jump-start my activity but yet here I was, flying. I just needed closure for my question since I asked. I knew the answer. But now I need to find proof so I can clear my head.
For science, of course. I think the lancet in my pocket should be enough. I am joking, it is enough. I can be quick, from his eyes, he didn’t have time to be surprised. That’s fine. He couldn’t make me be higher.
“Whaddaya know. It seems to be dark brown”.
Seems like I created a mess for my little experiment, I didn’t feel like cleaning up. A respectable is fun once in a while. Don’t you agree?
I guess I should find another doc, ain’t that right Cookie?
Of course, you will agree with me, we are one, aren’t we? We are meant to be together, I just need to create you again so we can have those conversations.
And I will soon; once I can fly high enough.
